I'm a CEO ...bitch.

So I just got back from a meeting with my peoples at Facebook and I came across this article by some online mag called 239845785 or something. I'm not happy.

It’s May 24, 2007, and on stage at the San Francisco Design Center, Mark Zuckerberg stares out at an audience of 800 software developers and looks terrified. Loud techno music pulses. Behind him, a slick slideshow cues up on a big screen. “Today ... together ... we’re going to start a movement,” he begins. A few seconds later, as Zuckerberg—all 5’8”, 150 pounds, and 23 years of him—launches into his presentation, his voice cracks.

Well I am pretty sure that I wasn't that nervous, I mean I'm pretty confident in what I'm doing. Prior to the keynote I was backstage hanging out with my Silicon homies talking smack about my company. Hey, everyone was like totally impressed with the way FB is heading, I got lots of business cards that day, to add to my pile. The slideshow ripped, I went backstage after and everyone high fived.

It’s no surprise that Zuckerberg is increasingly compared to Gates, an earlier generation’s high-tech billionaire and Harvard dropout. But geek style and enormous net worth aren’t all that Zuckerberg has in common with Gates: Like the Microsoft co-founder, he has had to weather allegations that his greatest achievement is the result of ripping off the ideas of others. Now, Zuckerberg finds himself ensnared by several lawsuits, none more potentially damaging than that brought by three Harvard grads in the wake of Facebook’s 2004 launch. The recent graduates charged that Zuckerberg stole the idea for Facebook from them, and they have spent years in court trying to prove it.

Uh, no offence to Bill or anything but I think I'm gonna be huger than that. I've hung out with Bill on many occasions and while we connect on various levels, we don't really "mesh" well when it comes to the future of onlines. What do I mean by this? Well, since stepping down as CEO of Microsoft Bill has been pursuing a life of leisure. He told me he regularly visits strip clubs behind his wifes back and likes to tp Google staff houses. Hey whatever floats your boat, but that's just not me. I'm more into my girlfriend, and like the article said; when she's around I do nothing but boning, no work, just pure 100% sex. She appreciates me, not just because of my great achievements with my company, Facebook.

Oh and I never stole consciously stole the idea for Facebook. Am I accusing Slutbook.com of stealing our idea? Uh, no!

At Harvard, Zuckerberg behaved like a typical college kid. He rushed Alpha Epsilon Pi, a Jewish fraternity. According to the Boston Globe, he declared an affinity for Asian women. He skipped classes and blew off homework. “It’s a good thing I can B.S. math proofs on the board in real time,” he wrote in an online journal he kept during one project.

Why point out my fetish for Asians? My girlfriend reads these things you know. This article makes me sound like a crass, Asian loving college idiot, when in real world reality I'm a fun-loving guy that enjoys sports, friends and empowering people with the biggest social utility ever.

But for the next two months, the plaintiffs say, Zuckerberg made himself scarce. He postponed meetings, was slow to return calls and e-mails, and allegedly refused to let the team see his work. He offered a variety of explanations: His cell phone was muted, his computer science problem sets were taking up too much time, he forgot to bring his laptop charger home for Thanksgiving and his computer died. As the Harvard Connection launch date was pushed back week after week, the plaintiffs grew increasingly anxious. “We spent a lot of our time trying to get Mark to sort of follow up with us,” Narendra said. "Cameron sent him emails … We would, you know, call him and ask him, ‘Hey, what’s the latest on the website?’… He would say, ‘… I should have something done in the next couple weeks.’”

Yo, come on now! That's not cool, that's 100% not cool at all. I was busy working, my shit died, my cell phone blew up, my laptop fell out of a window in my dorm room, and like ten relatives died in the course of a few months, I was dealt a bad hand, what can I say? I showed these people some stuff. I'm a pretty private person.

“I don’t know if Mark copied things intentionally or it’s just the most amazing coincidence of all time, but I know he’s dishonest,” Greenspan says. “I’ve seen him lie.”

Greenspan, why are you attacking me like that? I've never lied to you for one millisecond, yet here you are dissing me out to the press. I live for coincidence! I breath coincidence!

The plaintiffs allege that Zuckerberg stalled Harvard Connection while working on Facebook to gain a first-mover advantage; Zuckerberg has denied the accusation. In the Ad Board letter, he says he began work on Facebook only after his final meeting with the plaintiffs on January 14, 2004.

Riiight. What about Myspace and the other social networks? Did they all like wait for people to launch their sites? Did Ebay wait for Valleywag to launch before launching? No, because Valleywag wasn't even around then, so it's impossible.

Whatever the legal outcome, we will probably never know what really happened in the Harvard dorms four years ago. And as Facebook mushrooms into one of the biggest databases of personal information in the world, the controversy over the site’s origins will almost certainly be overshadowed by a battle over how it protects users’ privacy. Until a better social network comes along, however, people are logging on to Facebook by the millions. It’s safe to say that Zuckerberg capitalized on the right idea at the right time. The question remains: Whose idea was it?

MARK ELLIOT ZUCKERBEG. ME. MARK ZUCKERBERG. THANK YOU.